I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
