im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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