The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
