I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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