He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize