I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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