the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
