if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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