alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
