I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I want her autograph on my taint
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
