Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
