She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Randomize
