Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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