His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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