wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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