He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
