Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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