i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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