My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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