Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
