Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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