I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
As shirtless as possible
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize