I CAN MOONWALK!
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
