woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
