i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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