He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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