it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize