Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
