I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Randomize
