i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
