i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
