We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
