the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
