I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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