Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
