and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
