What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
