I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize