I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I love you.
Bad choice
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
