I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
