drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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