need another drink. this is the easiest way
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He better not be in your backpack
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
