Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
