Rock
Scissors
Fuck
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
