i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize