Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
