but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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