I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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