I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
