I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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