I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
