in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
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