I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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