im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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