Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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