I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
