I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize