Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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