she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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