I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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