Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
