Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Blood and glitter go together right?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
