He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
